Get Up?

Today I didn’t feel good at all. I woke up this morning with a hangover from neurontin. God, I don’t know how people can drink and be hung over every day. I dragged my tired sleepy ass out of bed and forced myself to GET UP and get moving when really all I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to lay my head down, my eyes were still closed, breathe a deep sigh and sink back into the wonderland I know as slumber, sleeping, resting, no pain. But I got up, no pain in my head as I got up but as the day wore on and as I got to moving around, it slowly crept back. I got up about 10:30 and by 2:30 I thought there were knives stuck in the back of my head.

I never know ahead of time which is going to be better for me...staying in bed or forcing myself to get up. Today I feel like getting up made things worse. On the days when I stay in bed or in my favorite chair I wonder if I would have felt better getting up. It's a crap shoot either way, so what to do? Take it one day at a time or better yet one moment.

Silent Screams

I wish I was angry today, but my head aches so that I cannot even open my eyes to type. Many have felt it, few will admit it. I know it well, emotional or physical pain so excruciating that tears escape from my eyes while silent screams scrape the walls of my throat as they come roaring up from the depths of my aching soul only to fall upon deaf ears. Heard they are not, expressed they must be. And so the tears flow, the tiniest sound byte of my screams encased in each poignant droplet cascading down my cheek. They hang, suspended for a brief moment upon my quivering chin before splattering silently onto my t-shirt. There they evaporate as the sounds of my sadness and pain are quietly absorbed. My screams, now entrenched in the cotton fibers are soon to be unceremoniously washed down the drain in my next load of underwear and socks. A brief respite ensues and exhaustion, a welcome relief, brings with it the precious gift of sleep to my weary unopened eyes.