Get Up?

Today I didn’t feel good at all. I woke up this morning with a hangover from neurontin. God, I don’t know how people can drink and be hung over every day. I dragged my tired sleepy ass out of bed and forced myself to GET UP and get moving when really all I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to lay my head down, my eyes were still closed, breathe a deep sigh and sink back into the wonderland I know as slumber, sleeping, resting, no pain. But I got up, no pain in my head as I got up but as the day wore on and as I got to moving around, it slowly crept back. I got up about 10:30 and by 2:30 I thought there were knives stuck in the back of my head.

I never know ahead of time which is going to be better for me...staying in bed or forcing myself to get up. Today I feel like getting up made things worse. On the days when I stay in bed or in my favorite chair I wonder if I would have felt better getting up. It's a crap shoot either way, so what to do? Take it one day at a time or better yet one moment.

Hell on Earth

My name is Vanessa and I'm a migraineur. No, I'm not standing up in front of a group of my peers also afflicted with the dibilitating disease called migraines. As a matter of fact, I'm usually lying still in the dark. Today however I am sitting here at my laptop, brightness turned down, with sunglasses on, compelled to get up on my soapbox and rant. Other than "diabetics" I can't recall any other disorder or disease in which those unfortunate enough to suffer it's effects are labeled. I'm tired of being judged as someone who can't tolerate a "bad headache". I actually have a high threshold of pain, after all I am a woman who's been through labor and childbirth! I know I'm probably preaching to the choir here, but it's migraneurs' responsibility to educate those with whom we associate about the horrible extent of this disease. That, along with a cathartic purging of my mind and soul are the reason for this blog.

I don't remember when I had the first migraine attack, but I have currently had one almost daily for over 4 months now. Throbbing head pain, nausea so bad I wish I could hurl but can't, extreme photo and phono sensitivity and malaise are my constant companions. Tonight I am falling asleep as I type thanks to neurontin and I'm not even up to the maximum dose. I cannot function on it. I'm sleepy, groggy, so uncoordinated I trip every few feet when I walk (don't even ask about the typos I've corrected) and I suspect it's causing depression too. I've cried 4 times for no apparent reason in the last 3 days since I've been on it daily...I HATE PRESCRIPTION MEDS!!!!!

They offer some respite to my suffering but at what cost?